Reagan Schools Obama In "I Want Your Money"

US Presidential Hopeful Promises Every American A Pony

A man with a gumboot on his head and promises of free ponies for all Americans is hoping to take out President Barack Obama in the race to the White House. While Mr Obama is certain to represent the Democrat Party in the Presidential Election later this year, a host of little known politicians are nonetheless competing to get their name on the ballot. The incumbent claimed an overwhelming 82 percent of the vote (48,970 votes) in this week's hardly reported New Hampshire Democrat Party primary - a race which was all but over before it began. After Obama was Republic candidate Ron Paul, whose name was written on ballots by 2273 voters, followed by Ed Cowan, who got just 2 percent of the vote. However close on Mr Cowan's heels was Vermin Supreme, a self-declared "friendly fascist", who reeled in 831 votes. Campaigning before the New Hampshire vote, Mr Supreme promised to enact a mandatory tooth brushing law. "Some people will tell you this mandatory tooth brushing law is about the secret dental police kicking down your door at 3am to make sure you've brushed. Friends, it is not."It's not about the government-issued toothpaste containing an addictive yet harmless substance. No friends, it is not even about DNA gene splicing to create a race of winged monkeys to act as tooth fairies. What this mandatory tooth brushing law is about is strong teeth for a strong America." Mr Supreme, who ran for the Republican Party in 2008, also advocates giving each American a free pony, "one of the most overlooked issues in America today". He says the policy would create jobs and is good for the environment. "And of course the important thing to realise is that it is a federal pony identification program where you will need your pony with you at all times." He also says zombies could be used to turn turbines as an alternative energy supply. "I am a tyrant that you can trust, and you should let me run your life because I do know what is best for you." Supreme's campaigning is reminiscent of the unconventional politics of the now-defunct McGillycuddy Serious Party here in New Zealand, or the Monster Raving Loony Party of Britain. Whether he will be on the ballot standing for the Democrats in November, only time will tell.

Marine Says He Plugged Gunshot Wounds With Fingers

A U.S. Marine Corps officer who was shot during a robbery attempt and used his fingers to plug three bullet wounds is being released from a Florida hospital. Doctors said Friday that Lt. Col. Karl Trenker is recovering well from the Dec. 21 attack. Trenker was shot multiple times after meeting two men who supposedly wanted to buy a gold necklace his fiancee advertised on Craigslist.Trenker chased the men on foot after they grabbed the necklace and ran. He says he reacted as any Marine would, even using his fingers to plug bullet holes in his body after the shooting. Trenker served tours of duty in both Iraq and Afghanistan and is stationed in Miami. The two suspects are both jailed without bail on attempted murder and robbery charges.